Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
