just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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