plz talk dirty to me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
