I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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