we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
