party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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