Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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