my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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