New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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