i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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