i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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