MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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