I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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