Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
