This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
