Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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