he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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