I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
