I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
