The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
