last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh god it's open bar.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
