Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
