Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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