Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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