can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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