he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
