My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
