He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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