My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
