5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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