If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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