and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize