Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
