Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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