My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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