I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
