tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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