I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
