Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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