My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
