every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
