We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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