I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
