He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i've created a new STD.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
