They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
