hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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