You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
