I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
