of course. lets lasso hookers.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
