did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
