Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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