Non-Jews are for practice
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize