Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
