meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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