Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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