you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
