Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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