I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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