hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
