so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
