Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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