I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
