A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
