I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
