matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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