Can Purell be used as lube?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it glows. i had to have it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
