Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
