You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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