am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
