You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
