It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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